I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
