When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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