I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
