The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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