idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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