Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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