It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
