K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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