it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
