i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
