i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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