# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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