so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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