I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
