I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
