You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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