We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
