So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
