I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Found the puke drawer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
