We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
