Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
