if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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