The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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