Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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