i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
