The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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