Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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