It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
