We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
