Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
