I cannot find my penis.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
