Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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