ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
even my farts smell like vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
