I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
