So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
