talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
