I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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