I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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