every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
