She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
