Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
