Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
These tits shall not be calmed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
