remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
