I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
