new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
