Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
