Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
