You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
