i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
