So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
