There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
