Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
