I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
