If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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