Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
