I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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