so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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