so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
