The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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