I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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