Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
