Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
