It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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