I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
