life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
