My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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